the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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