He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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