you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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