so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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