i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
