Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dicks are not precious.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
