New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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