we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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