My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
