so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
