am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
