he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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