dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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