So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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