You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
