My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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