I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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