I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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