I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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