He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
