I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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