If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
