Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
