i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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