Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
