never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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