I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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