We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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