wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
