My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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