We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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