We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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