The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
