I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
