nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
