She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
