Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
