You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
