I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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