haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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