Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
