I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
