Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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