we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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