I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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