i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
