i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
