Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
