theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
