I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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