Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
