Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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