I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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