Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
