She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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