I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
