I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
