Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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