i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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