i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
