I could make wine with my vomit
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
