Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize