and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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