she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
