Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
