dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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