We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
