yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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