all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
