apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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