I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
