its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
