I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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