yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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