I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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