then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
